The Holy Spirit has led me to share from my life once again…
I keep journals of my time with the Lord—records of what I have learned from His Word, prayers I have prayed, and words He has spoken to me. In January of this year, after several days of reviewing and updating my blogsite, I prayed:
“Father, the woman who wrote those blogs years ago seemed so confident. Who is she? Where is she? I have struggled so much. I have sinned. I have disobeyed You. I have lived through so much loss. And those things I wrote, I failed to live them with the confidence that I wrote them. Life hit me hard!
“Please forgive me. I allowed distractions to pull me away from the close relationship I had with You—or the close relationship I thought I had. Was it an illusion? Did the testing reveal I didn’t have what I thought I did? Or did the testing pull me away from the true relationship I did have with You?
“Words come easy. Life is hard. I want to be real. I want an authentic, honest relationship with You. I want fellowship with You that is deep and meaningful—and I need it every day.”
I went through a lot of brokenness to get to where I am now—my first husband’s suffering and death due to cancer, the loss of several other loved ones, my personal battle with cancer, and deep wounds caused by other broken people.
But I believe that from my brokenness I can do more for God than I could have ever done before. Because before we are broken, we can believe we have it all together. Our self-reliance opens a door and pride walks in. We depend upon ourselves and our own abilities, rather than seeking direction from the Lord.
God uses the hard places we go through to mold us into vessels He can use for His glory. He gets no glory from what we do without Him. His name is exalted when we give up our own ways of doing and realize that to live for Him, we must allow His Spirit to flow through us in everything we do.
It has taken a long time for me to learn these lessons—and I’m still learning.
Thankfully, God doesn’t leave us in our brokenness and confusion. When we call to Him, He lovingly answers.
A few days after my agonizing, questioning prayer the Holy Spirit spoke to me: “I am molding you into the person I want you to be. All the realizations, the recent revelations—that’s Me. You need to see what I see in you—the good and the bad. Your life has changed. You are not the same person you were. I am molding you. Allow Me to move in your life.”
Father, as I continue to submit my life to You, do in me everything You want to do, so that I will be molded into a vessel that brings honor and glory to Your Name!
_______________
The word which came to Jeremiah from the Lord, saying, “Arise and go down to the potter’s house, and there I will cause you to hear My words.” Then I went down to the potter’s house, and there he was, making something at the wheel. And the vessel that he made of clay was marred in the hand of the potter; so he made it again into another vessel, as it seemed good to the potter to make. (Jeremiah 18:1-4 NKJV)
